With many tools it is important to let people finish what they are saying, or for everyone to get a chance to speak before you add something which was inspired by the things others said. And an important part of transparency work is saying how things others have said impact you, especially if they evoke strong feelings. Crosstalk is where you respond to another person's spoken sharing.

Suggestions for Crosstalk:

• If you are hurt or angry about something said, start your talk with asking if they are ready and willing to hear your feelings ( see: Withholds).
• Be concise and if possible specific
• Talk more about your feelings and less about what you think.
• Use sentences starting with "I..." rather than "You..."- This will help eliminate judgmental statements, which tend to raise defensiveness and are generally recommended to avoid.
• Crosstalk should be about things between you and the person you are responding to regarding things that they have just recently shared with the group.

The group decides collectively to do a round of withholds or unsaids. This gives people an initial opportunity to declare their interest or lack of interest or emotional availability to participate.

If you look around and you notice there is someone with whom you feel some tension, or with whom you are feeling less open to communicating candidly because of some unexpressed feeling or undisclosed upset, then you have a withhold.

One of the purposes of these groups is to move through these feelings, or beliefs, by expressing them. Another purposes is to increase connection, and one way we block connections is by letting little upsets or fears pile up.

Imagine it this way: we each have a "communication channel" to each other.

When we don't say something, and it is still bothering us, then that "unsaid" or "withhold" starts to clog the channel.

Whatever is unexpressed and/or released starts to pile up and the "communication channel" between us then becomes clogged.

This limits our ability to be authentic and fully engaged with the other person. So, sharing withholds is done in order to keep a channel clear and release a block.

Because these are sometimes hard to hear, you should ask permission of someone. The standard format is:

Chris: "Sandy, I have a withhold for you. Can I share it with you?"

[Sandy checks in to make sure they can do two things: 1) they can actually listen to something that might be difficult to hear, and 2) be able to contain their reaction to hearing it.]

Sandy: "No"

Chris:  "Thank you."

-or-

Sandy: "Yes"

If Sandy says "No", the conversation ends and it is important for Chris to not try to convince Sandy that he should be allowed to tell her anyway. After the withhold is shared Sandy says: "Thank you". A back and forth about the content of the withhold does not take place until 24 hours have passed.

When Chris tells Sandy the withhold, as much as possible, they talk about their distrust or judgement, rather than venting from an angry place. "I heard that you said ______ and I felt upset about that. I thought you were being selfish and inconsiderate." OR "I saw you do ______ and I made it mean that you _______. Now I worry that you will ________." Do not get too hung up on the format, Chris is encouraged to express how they feel about whatever it is Sandy did or said. 

Your job when someone shares a withhold with you is to listen, and not respond. It is helpful to remember that when someone shares a withhold with you, it is in order to increase their sense of connection with you, not from a desire to blame or attack. After the withhold has been expressed you say "Thank you" to the person. If you did not understand their share you can say you have a clarifying question. But if you do not agree with what they said or you want to correct their understanding of what happened, this is not the right time for that.

In some cases the person sharing can request that the listener say back what they heard, to ensure their communication got across. If this is done, the listener shares back, sometimes word for word, what they heard and if it is close enough to what the person sharing said, then you are done.

Usually withholds are done in clusters, as in the entire group takes time to see who has withholds with whom and then several people take turns sharing withholds with various others, always starting with: " I have a withhold for you. Are you open to hearing it?"

Unity of Purpose is a basic understanding about the goals and purpose of the group. Of course, there will be varying opinions on the best way to accomplish these goals. However, there must be a unifying base, a common starting point, which is recognized and accepted by all.

The deepest crises experienced by any society are those moments of change when the story becomes inadequate for meeting the survival demands of a present situation. ~ Thomas Berry

Big ideas can be intimidating, but even our biggest and most daunting goals can be achieved if we simply break it up into bite-sized chunks.

The most fundamental of all problems is how to grow wisely and how to use the resources we have to grow quickly and smartly. We must take this one step at a time, and each step no matter how boring or difficult it may seem is fundamental and necessary to our real success. Each of these phases might be compared to growing a crop. We have to till soil, plant seed, water and weed, harvest, organize, store and even make recipes and feed each other and the world with the crop. So each of those levels aforementioned could be broken down into sub levels, where we work in accordance with the natural forces of sociology and psychology and economics in order to bring up a crop being an achievement of an end solution or goal. This portion of the website maps out the path you need to take depending on the direction you chose. Like a guidebook, this section of the website we call Your Action Plan describes the milestones and choices necessary to take on each unique user's path. You will learn where the traps and snags are, as well as where the well-trodden and proven paths can be found. You will find firsthand stories told by others who have taken the journey before you and be able to learn from their missteps. As well as discover the methods they have found that work for them.

See Also: Non-Zero Day System

1. Go all in — commit to finishing Your Action Plan no matter what. 

2. Trust and believe, trust the process and take action. 

3. When going through the phases keep in mind the question to ask yourself is NOT "Does this pertain to me?" the question is instead "How does this pertain to me?"

4. Rinse and repeat once you have gone through the phases go through them again from time to time to refresh and see things with a new perspective. (Check back often to see if there have been updates due to new research as well!)

5. Celebrate all wins, big or small.

6. If you miss one day, just pick yourself up and continue the next day. 

Our organization and website are co-created meaning that every registered user is part of this transitional process by relaying their newly acquired resources and findings from their social change work made "in the trenches" we are strengthened and can eliminate pitfalls other activists and organizers made before the dawn of the internet.

1. Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life
2. Be Clear Why You're Here
3. Decide What You Want
4. Believe It's Possible
5. Believe in Yourself
6. Become an Inverse Paranoid
7. Unleash the Power of Goal-Setting
8. Chunk It Down
9. Success Leaves Clues
10. Release the Brakes
11. See What You Want, Get What You What You See
12. Act as If
13. Take Action
14. Just Lean Into It
15. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
16. Be Willing to Pay the Price
17. Ask! Ask! Ask!
18. Reject Rejection
19. Use Feedback to Your Advantage
20. Commit to Constant and Never-Ending Improvement
21. Keep Score for Success
22. Practice Persistence
23. Practice the Rule of 3
24. Exceed Expectations
25. Drop Out of the "Ain't It Awful" Club... and Surround Yourself with Successful People
26. Acknowledge Your Positive Past
27. Keep Your Eye on the Prize
28. Clean Up Your Messes and Your Incompletes
29. Complete the Past to Embrace the Future
30. Face What Isn't Working
31. Embrace Change
32. Transform Your Inner Critic Into an Inner Coach
33. Transcend Limiting Beliefs
34. Develop Four New Success Habits a Year
35. 99% Is a Bitch; 100% is a Breeze
36. Learn More to Earn More
37. Stay Motivated with the Masters
38. Fuel Your Success with Passion and Enthusiasm
39. Stay Focused on Your Core Genius
40. Redefine Time
41. Build a Powerful Support Team and Delegate to Them
42. Just Say No!
43. Say No to the Good So That You Can Say Yes to the Great
44. Find a Wing to Climb Under
45. Hire a Personal Coach
46. Mastermind Your Way to Success
47. Inquire Within
48. Be Here Now
49. Have a Heart Talk
50. Tell the Truth Faster
51. Speak with Impeccability
52. When in Doubt, Check It Out
53. Practice Uncommon Appreciation
54. Keep Your Agreements
55. Be a Class Act
56. Develop a Positive Money Consciousness
57. You Get What You Focus On
58. Pay Yourself First
59. Master the Spending Game
60. To Spend More, First Make More
61. Give More to Get More
62. Find a Way to Serve
63. Start Now!... Just Do Ii!
64. Empower Yourself by Empowering Others

Inspired by:The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

Contributors: Jack Canfield

Recommended Reading:The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

Everyone has days when things don’t go as planned. Maybe you messed up at work, or had a fight with your partner, are dealing with some weather-related blues, or perhaps you just can’t find the motivation to seize the day—and you don’t really know why. A Reddit user named ryans01 shared a lengthy comment jam packed with self-help tips in response to a post made by a fellow Reddit user. 

The original post reads: “I have lots of things I want to learn and do with my life, but I can’t even bring myself to do what I’m required to do… I have no money, no one who really cares about me, shitty grades, shitty diet and exercise, and the worst part of it? It’s not even that I hate any of this. I hate feeling like this, but not even enough to do something about it.”

This is the advice ryans01 shared that made his reply go viral all over the internet:

“My name’s Ryan and I live in Canada. Just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot of my success to people much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it’s a way of thanking them,” he wrote.

He then delivered four simple rules.

1. Have as many ‘Non Zero Days’ as you can.
2. Be grateful to the three you’s (Past, Present and Future you)
3. Forgive
4. Exercise and read books. (You get endorphins and exercise your mind)

His concept of Non-Zero Days in particular has really resonated with many people: “There are no more zero days. What’s a zero day? A zero day is when you don’t do a single f**king thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros,” ryans01 wrote.